Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
