I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
