So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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