Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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