i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize