Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
