I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
