im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize