I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
