she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Is this like a preordered booty call?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
