Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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