Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
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