there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
