They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
