Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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