Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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