i think my tv is drunk
just come out here and I will go home with you...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
