thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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