what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
