Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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