One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
pray to the hookup gods
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize