i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
