my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
