My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize