what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Randomize
