Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
