3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
