I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
