Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
