Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
