My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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