you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
