Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
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