I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
