My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
