There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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