I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
