I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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