okay pat passed out under dana's car
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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