how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
