some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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