He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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