hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
