i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
