Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
This is the high leading the old right now
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
