Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
