he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
we're so committed to being not committed
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
