I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
