There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I want her autograph on my taint
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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