he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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