Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
