Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize