My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
