Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
