I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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