On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
