i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
