Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
