chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
