Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
