surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I will be naked everywhere
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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