do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
