You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
